The Suit-Wearing Thug: The Mercedes-Benz CLS 63 AMG and Its Double Life as a Gentleman and a Beast

The Mercedes-Benz CLS 63 AMG—better known as the gentleman’s assassin or, as I’d like to call it, the “Suit-Wearing Thug.” This is not just a car; it’s a scandalously charming paradox on wheels. Let me explain.

The CLS 63 is what happens when AMG, Mercedes’ madcap lunatics, take a four-door coupé—a phrase they invented to make “sedan” sound sexy—and shoehorn a monstrous 5.5-litre bi-turbo V8 under the bonnet. Developed by the legendary Erhard Melcher, the engine isn’t just powerful—it’s a symphony of horsepower and hellfire. This motor delivers 557 angry German horses to the rear wheels, or all four if you ticked the 4MATIC option, making this the ideal vehicle for blasting past slower traffic, which, to be fair, is everyone else.

The CLS 63 wasn’t just built; it was crafted. Designer Michael Fink famously described it as "an elegant predator," and its sleek lines were instantly adored by celebrities and tycoons alike. Hollywood’s petrolheads couldn’t resist. Word has it that Jason Statham bought one because it could outrun the bad guys while still looking good at a black-tie gala. Meanwhile, Lewis Hamilton used one to commute to the track—not that he needed practice driving fast, but who wouldn’t want to rehearse in this beauty?

Then there’s its racing DNA. AMG honed the CLS 63's handling at the Nürburgring, where test driver Thomas Jäger reportedly giggled like a schoolboy as it devoured corners faster than a politician devours promises. Even Jeremy Renner, the MCU’s Hawkeye, once called it “the car that makes you feel like James Bond and Tony Stark at the same time.”

Of course, it has its quirks. The suspension, designed by aliens—or possibly the ghost of Gottlieb Daimler—manages to be both firm and forgiving. The seven-speed transmission? A touch temperamental, but then again, who doesn’t love a bit of drama with their perfection?